The Struggle With Goals

 The struggle is real!  That is all I can think about the last few weeks.  I really need to get healthy.  Not just physically but also mentally.  I know this, I have for a while, it is just where do I start?  That is the thing I don't know where to begin.  I read things and it would make sense for most cases but not mine.  The doctors just look at me and say if I eat less then I will be able to get healthier.  The thing is that I hardly eat. I may have two "meals" at the most but majority of the time it is just one meal.   Then I get well eat more, that way your body will start to regulate it's use of body fat better.  In theory that is great, just I don't like to eat.  I have a love hate relationship with food, most of the time it is a hate relationship. Most of the time when I eat I feel sick afterwards.  It is like my body is trying to get the food out faster then it came in.  My body doesn't want to get the nutrients from the food and rather get rid of it. It has been like this for as long as I can remember.  Always feeling sick after I eat almost everything.  I even went gluten free for about 8 years, at first I felt better but it didn't last.  Soon enough I started to feel bad again.  The reason I stop the gluten free was because I started to feel worse with my digested system, plus I had no energy.  Even with eating gluten, I am not eating it as much as I use to.

With my physical health it is really affecting my mental health as well.  All around I just don't feel good.  Which is also not helping with getting me motivated to do anything about it.  When I get home from work I rather just sit there do nothing or even just sleep.  I know deep down it is to do with my mental health, or rather the lack of. I won't lie I am even struggling with writing this post, I feel like I am whining and not doing anything about it.  Like I have more excuses then solutions. So maybe instead of just going on about where to start it is just time to make a plan and hold myself accountable.  Really there is no time like the present, right?

The big goals would be to lose weight; start to feel physically healthy; and to start to feel mental stable.

Which it is great but I have found in the past if I just focus on a big goal I get over whelm and lose my motivation on doing anything.  I find it better to break it down to more manageable goals, either weekly or monthly.  Generally I do not wait, I just start it, not this time.   Right now I am in the land of COVID, yeah!  I should be well on the way to getting better next week, which is also the beginning of the November.  I am going to make that the starting date fore me.  I want to start myself on a positive and not set myself up for failure.

November Goals:

1.    Drinking more water (using my health app to track this)
2.    No more junk food or pop
3.    Eating multiple meals a day, even if they are small
4.    Getting up and exercising at least 5 times a week
5.    Writing in my journal daily to keep track of my progress and also what is going on in my head

I know this post is a bit all over the place but I figure what is the point of waiting anymore it is time to pull the trigger.  Time to keep myself accountable for what I need to do to get my health back under control.

Hilary